New Year’s Resolution

My annual reflection.

I can say that I have been through so much this year and learned so much about myself.

Probably my most valuable intake from this year is to embrace my failures, because they test us and force us to reflect on every step we take along the way.

Rejection from schools and military programs, has led me to my military job where I met my best friends and faced the challenges of the Israeli- Palestinian conflict.

A job that helped me Gain more life skills and eventually solidifying my understanding of myself and the path I want to take in life.

And my pre med course, that helped me gather all the missing pieces together, and prepare me for the new upcoming journey.

For the first time in forever, I feel complete and confident in who I am.

I am so happy I failed, and so should you.

I can’t wait to see what awaits for me in this new chapter in life:)

January 1, 2023 0

The Mega Fear

Every single one of us has something that terrifies them to the point of paralysis. Believe me, I can assure you that I have a few of those.

Some voices in my head that keep whispering to me that I am not good enough and I might never be. At times I almost feel that I will not be able to get over the fear and stand up on my feet. That I cannot fight it, I just give up to these cold whispers.

In the past few months I have been reflecting on many decisions that I have taken in life, trying to see what I have done correctly and what could have been done better.

I have been thinking about the past years and all the events that have shaped my personality over time.

A rejection from a dream school to a rejection from a prestige unit in the army, I developed the most terrible fear one can have- the fear of failing.

Today I can tell that these failures have led me to the most memorable events of my life. Without them, I wouldn’t have met my best friends in the entire world, or learn half of the lessons I have learned in my service, as if everything was happening according to a plan.

When I was done with my service I tried to reapply to my dream school and done everything in my power to do everything correctly in order to succeed this time. In the mean time, I started working in a job that have taught me a lot about life and adult life in particular. A few months later I get a letter, informing me that I was rejected again, however, this time, instead of feeling agony for my failure, I was relieved. I was ready for a change.

I was ready to start something new.

I started a pre medical prep course that prepares students for medical studies in Europe, met incredible friends and teachers, each with unique story and a passion for the field. I was inspired to learn more, work harder and more importantly I was ready to evolve as a person. The more. I researched about the European cities, the more excited I get about the challenge of not only studying medicine, but also moving to a complete new country, with different. language, culture and traditions. Afresh start. Maybe this is all, again, happening according to a plan.

As I’m writing these lines, I am probably using the platform to have a little escape from my studying routine before my entrance exams, to tell you that I still hear those cold whispers and I feel the fear tingling in my fingers, yet this time I let go to the meaning of their words and focus on the good.

No matter what will happen what is to happen in the future, I know it is for the best- success or failure because either way will lead me eventually one step closer to the sweetness of the real victory of discovering myself.

December 23, 2022 0

Refreshing the Mind

For a very long time I have been struggling with many difficulties. It started with “Shomer Hachomot” and ended up with other personal things that I was trying to find a way to cope with.

For many reasons I felt like I have no one to be there for me, even though I had so much support from many of my friends. Realising that I grow up over the time and very soon will be responsible for myself didn’t make things any better. After a very long time I realized that what’s best for me is to take a break from everything that I have my mind on and decided to go on a vacation to Eilat with my friends.

I am not going to go on the details of every adventure we were on, yet there was something special about these four days in this exotic city. I learned that life is beautiful and that we should do our best and take the most out of it. To be grateful for what we have and learn from anything and anyone we can. I understood the importance of friendship. I am so thankful for my friends that were able to tolerate my and the dark sides of my personality. I learned to experience and decide what’s best for me, and set my boundaries if needed.

Now that I am back home, thinking about all the different things that bother me on a regular basis, I realise how much more I can make out of my life. I am so thankful for everything that I have and have experienced up to this point of my life. I really do hope to make the best out of it.

Very soon I will be responsible for so many things, including my future and welfare. Childhood will be completely behind me. Growing up is very intimidating not going to lie. At least now I came in peace with my inner self. I forgive myself for my mistakes and look forward to get better life for my family friends and myself as well.

To conclude my thoughts I added some pictures from my spiritual vacation:

June 28, 2021 0

The sweetness of Freedom

When I think about freedom I think of an abstract concept that humans have evolved to perceive as the most important thing for their survival and evolution. We fight for other abstract concepts in the name of freedom and feel satisfied when we get a little bit spare time to have a little bit control over our lives. As I think about it more and more I have more questions about the mysterious evolution of the entire human race.

In the army, I have very little freedom; I can no longer choose my clothes, I share a room with four other girls, share the shower and sometimes I even get my dresser checked by the officers. I can’t even leave for a vacation without informing my commanders about it. This leaves very little freedom to me. Then it hit me: humans, the masters and rulers over both the animal and the plant kingdoms, evolved to have very little freedom!

Yuval Noah Harari put this concept beautifully in his book “Sapiens- a Brief History of Humankind” my all-time favourite book) and as I kept reading this made more sense to me.

We tend to overthink and build bigger platforms that eventually take every little bit of freedom (both consciously and unconsciously) from our lives. Even when we think we reached freedom, do we actually?

Here is an example: Let’s say I am the richest woman in the world and can afford anything I want. There are several platforms that might take over here; law that restricts me from buying illegal things, my conscience that will eventually force me to give money to charity; the fear of running out of money and even the concept of money itself and the social need to use money as a trade tool (and trade in general).

Animals and plants, on the other hand, don’t think about these kind of things at all (from my understanding at least); they care very little about freedom or trade. This makes life so much simpler. Even if humans wanted to give up on all the different social agreements that build our society, it would be so hard for one simple reason: we THINK. Our thoughts is what builds and can easily destroy our society and eventually the entire human race. Much like the different science fiction movies with the robots that eventually kill all the humans.

Our lives are full of abstract concepts like that. Understanding that these are just all imaginary agreements we have as humans can make it easier (or harder) for us to live, now that we fully understand this fact. Would we ever reach freedom? I don’t think so. Why? It is very simple: when we leave one platform, a social agreement, we tend to think of it as freedom, yet we still struggle with hundreds and even thousands of other platforms and social agreements in our lives.

The only thing we can actually do is to enjoy these little victories, the little moments of freedom and be happy!

March 30, 2021 0

Rosy almonds

For years I wanted to witness the the almond blossom, just like other Israelis on social media. For many reasons, this never happened until a few days ago. It was worth the long journey. Since most of my friends live in breathtaking places, I love going on small journeys with them.

Looking at the almond blossom I wondered how could I miss out on this view for so many years? I promised to explore the country a little bit more during my time off from the army. I love Israel. It has so much to offer and in so many aspects. The nature has many stories hidden in it, looking for those who are willing to listen. The Almonds have a story too. They aren’t necessarily telling the story of some ancient heroes living in Cna’an but rather the story of one’s dreams and aspirations.

For me, this experience meant finding meaning in the things I chose to do in life. Gathering all the thoughts into somethings that eventually makes sense to me. Honestly I am not there yet and probably will not have clear understanding until I am a bit older. With that being said, the almond blossom was in a way, a sign for me that some major changes are needed to be done- and for now, it is enough for me.

March 7, 2021 0